Get all 4 Jaymotts releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Jamboree, Love Paralysis / Autofunk Double Single, Sandra's New Car / Funkobaijan Double Single, and Stars of Cheese EP.
1. |
Time Travelling Man
03:43
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I’m your time travelling man, I got the whole of history at my feet
I could have gone to any time, any place that I fancied
But my finger slipped, the portal tripped, I’m spinning through the years so quick, and I land real hard on your early nineties street
Your my hush hush lady, no no rush go steady
I’m in the wrong time maybe, girl you ain’t ordinary
I caught your eye at the cinema, we could feel that mutual spark
Pink haze forming you weren’t leaving my gaze, as we queued for Jurassic Park. You said ‘hey, I hear this is good, you seen it before?’
A hundred times or more, you’ll see it at Christmas forevermore
I’m travelling back in time, to when we used landlines
When watching Friends was cool and when dear Freddie died
When we drank too much, red tops made lots of fuss
With greased down curtain hair, smoking inside without care
We imitate Ren and Stimpy and believe Clinton got kinky
Getting dial up twitchy, playin with Tamagotchis
Listenin’ to Nevermind, obsessed with Goldeneye
I’m travelling back in time, I’m travelling back in time
Your my hush hush lady, no no rush go steady
I’m in the wrong time maybe, girl you ain’t ordinary
We got a good thing going on, our passion sure ain’t mild
There’s a cool mix of differences like you accept my distain for Destiny’s Child. But there’s a big snag, it’s starting drag, I can’t live without hashtags
Got no phone cold sweats, fingers twitching to text
Your my hush hush lady, no no rush go steady
I’m in the wrong time maybe, girl you ain’t ordinary
I gotta get back to my own time, find a girl online, that’s just fine
Scroll endlessly for hours and hours, content under the icons’ power
I’m outta’ luck, looks like I’m stuck, my machine got smashed by a truck
This is tragic, I’m starting to panic, she’s got tickets for Titanic
I’m travelling back in time, to when we used our landlines
When watching Friends was cool and when dear Freddie died
When we drank too much, red tops made lots of fuss
With greased down curtain hair, smoking inside without care
We imitate Ren and Stimpy and believe Clinton got kinky
Getting dial up twitchy, playin with Tamagotchis
Listenin’ to Nevermind, obsessed with goldeneye
I’m travelling back in time, I’m travelling back in time
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2. |
Dawn at Dawn
03:56
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Twenty one years ago early on a cold April morn
Stuart went about his rounds, leaving pints of milk at the door
Tracey greets him with a yawn and says 'I got ways to get you warm' and nine months later Dawn was born, a crying girl, face full of scorn
She was a product of haste and desire
She’ll never rest with her heart full of hate and fire
She’s held a grudge since the day she was born
Waking at 4am for her revenge at dawn
Waking at 4am for her revenge at dawn
Daddy was a milkman, a fella she never met
With her soul full of rejection, she swore all milkmen be dead
Stalking round the town, looking for her prey
Dancing in the moonlight, she’s gotta kill to feel okay
Hello Dawn, it’s Stuart, your dad. I need you to listen to me, what I did was bad. I can see that you’re broken but if the truth be spoken there’s no need to be going round slaughtering milkmen
Dawn, you gotta understand, it was cold that morning and your mum looked real grand. Please trust, it was a quick thing of lust
She really rocked my boat, I didn’t even stop the engine of my milk float. Eight and a half minutes later I was having a smoke
I had to get four pints up to number fifty-six, that Barbara gets crazy without milk for her Weetabix
So you see darling, it wasn’t planned and besides you mustn’t be killing milkmen with your hands. Murder so foul is not good for a diary farmer’s moral. Like a cow needs branding, people need their milk, lactose intolerant folk notwithstanding
She was a product of haste and desire
She’ll never rest with her heart full of hate and fire
She’s held a grudge since the day she was born
Waking at 4am for her revenge at dawn
She was a product of haste and desire
She’ll never rest with her heart full of hate and fire
She’s held a grudge since the day she was born
Waking at 4am for her revenge at dawn
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3. |
Wet Tiger
03:13
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Do Come in, have a seat, now tell me what seems to be the problem? I've got a problem down below doctor. I see, very well, I’ll write you a prescription, okay, for the juiced prostate of Buffalo
Can’t you see with your jaded western eyes, all clouded with roast beef and Shepherd’s Pie. All is fair in love and war, nature’s game is open to all
Mashed up claws get the blood flowing, tiger’s pizzle to get you going
Cross hairs trained on the canopy, it’s a rootin’ tootin’ natural catastrophe
Drink up that flayed and blended reptile, because it’s good for problems erectile. There ain’t much use for most a bat, but fry their toes to get your mojo back
Mashed up claws get the blood flowing, tiger’s pizzle to get you going
Cross hairs trained on the canopy, it’s a rootin’ tootin’ natural catastrophe
If you got a drooping member, milk your Bisson in November. Flamingo testes scooped out with a large spoon, flavoured with pubes of an albino racoon. We got minced up spider brains in our sights, need to slay ten thousand to make a modest pie. Wok em up by the score, cos I dim sum then I dim some more
Never mind the endangered status, or that our great grandchildren will hate us. Grannie's cancer will be abating with a dose of fresh monkey shavings
Mashed up claws get the blood flowing, tiger’s pizzle to get you going. Cross hairs trained on the canopy, it’s a rootin’ tootin’ natural catastrophe
Mashed up claws get the blood flowing, tiger’s pizzle to get you going
Cross hairs trained on the canopy, it’s a rootin’ tootin’ natural catastrophe
Olright ladies and gents, form an orderly queue, I got some lovely bits and pieces for you today. We got a special on chimps thumbs, that's chimps thumbs. Don't all rush at once there's plenty to go round. If that don't do it for you I've got elephant tears, gallons of elephant tears. Or perhaps a slow loris' pickled snatch for mum, A? they just came in from Indonesia, they're lovely
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4. |
Calm Yourself Terry
03:30
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Ahh, breath in, and breath out, four three two one
Terry’s got a real fiery temper, veins bulging at the slightest things
He wanted new spanners in December, his kids got him a new signet ring
First comes the hypertension with a huff and a puff, he gonna blow his top,
With pursed lips like an angry anus, he said take this back to the bloody shop
All altogether they said, at sizeable personal risk
Calm yourself Terry, you’re gonna end up in a wooden box
You’ll have a big coronary, all this rage is unorthodox
Calm yourself Terry, you need to unwind get a bit of zen
Why are you so angry? Have a cuppa tea and count to ten
He talks to a counsellor, it goes quite well until the end
When he’s told the cost per hour, he flips his lid at the expense
Terry storms past the receptionist, shouting you’re not a real psychologist
Slamming the counsellor’s door, no calmer than he was before
Calm yourself Terry, you’re gonna end up in a wooden box
You’ll have a big coronary, all this rage is unorthodox
Calm yourself Terry, you need to unwind get a bit of zen
Why are you so angry? Have a cuppa tea and count to ten
Just count to ten, then begin again, just count to ten, Terry!
Calm yourself Terry, you’re gonna end up dead in a wooden box
You’ll have a big coronary, all this rage is unorthodox
Calm yourself Terry, you need to unwind get a bit of zen
Why are you so angry? Have a cuppa tea and count to ten
Calm yourself Terry, you’re gonna end up dead in a wooden box
You’ll have a big coronary, all this rage is unorthodox
Calm yourself Terry, you need to unwind get a bit of zen
Why are you so angry? Have a cuppa tea and count to ten
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5. |
Grand Gestures
03:00
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I will do anything to please you
I’ll walk on hot coals if you want me to
I’ll be your gentleman or your bit of rough
I’ll learn astrology off the cuff
I’ll shave my back with a rusty blade
I’ll throw insults at the King of Spain
I’ll swim the channel dressed as JFK
Go for a skinny dip in Bahrain
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
I’ll get a knighthood and flash the queen
I’ll drink neat sherry until I rupture my spleen
I’ll form a death cult in your name
I’ll get locked up for you with the deranged
If it makes you smile I’ll sell all of my things
I’ll fly a plane around with loosely fixed wings
I’ll impress with my new circus skills
Tickling hungry lions that are ready to kill
Whatever I do I’m rejected, crying in my tea, sores infected
I just wanna get your attention, for a second, just a mention
Do you hear me? Do you see? I’m your loyal calamity
These grand gestures that I give, my obsession is subjective
You are a prize worth fighting for, I’ll leave my dignity at the door
If this is what life’s all about, I’ll keep trying till you give out
Please be kind and reasonable, to this old romantic fool
Just for once, throw me a glance, something for my evening knuckle dance
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
It’s never enough
It’s never enough for you
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6. |
Coffee & Cream
04:28
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There’s a call in everyone
Swelling feelings need freedom
If it’s legal it ain’t wrong
To joyful pain we are accustom
Put the sheet down, let it flow
Lit candles hot wax to try
Pull straps tight as they will go
and put our safe word on stand by
Ten feathers in a row, all the colours of the rainbow
now tell me what you want me to do
This is our secret liberation, our red rubber satisfaction
Please tighten up the traction, and get set my for my reaction
We gotta let off some steam, and live out our vivid dreams
Swinging high off the beams, followed by coffee served with cream
I’ll let you play with my breathing
Because I’ve been a good boy
Come on now stop your teasing
And treat me like a dog toy
If I resist the restraints
You twist the screw till they’re blue
And just ignore my complaints
Safe word is saag aloo yea
Ten feathers in a row, all the colours of the rainbow
now tell me what you want me to do
This is our secret liberation, our red rubber satisfaction
Please tighten up the traction, and get set my for my reaction
We gotta let off some steam, and live out our vivid dreams
Swinging high off the beams, followed by coffee served with cream
SAAG ALOO
This is our secret liberation, our red rubber satisfaction
Please tighten up the traction, and get set my for my reaction
We gotta let off some steam, and live out our vivid dreams
Swinging high off the beams, followed by coffee served with cream
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7. |
Big Nev
04:05
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Big Nev works at the store, security guard on lousy pay, stopping druggies from thieving, keeps his demons at bay
Self-important opinion, delusion is his M-O, he tells it like he’s the top dog, big balls supremo
O Big Nev your life is so tragic, so many lies it’s become automatic
Forty-five and living with your folks, your stories represent a personal hoax
Out of your mouth comes verbal manure, a badly placed sense of self grandeur
You ain’t tough and it’s all rather sad, you need to work through issues with your dad
Big Nev brought a new touch, weightiest one he could find,
he pretends it’s a weapon, deterring vagrants from stealing wine
Last year he got some trouble, HR pulled him up on store policy,
cause wore an old bullet belt, started telling kids that he was Lemmy
O Big Nev your life is so tragic, so many lies it’s become automatic
Forty-five and living with your folks, your stories represent a personal hoax
Out of your mouth comes verbal manure, a badly placed sense of self grandeur
You ain’t tough and it’s all rather sad, you need to work through issues with your dad
Boasting ‘bout his youth, about his boxing days, it’s easy to see the truth, when he says he once duffed up the Krays
Big Nev claims he is married, his web of lies puts this in doubt, she’d need to be a saviour, or a rancid hag smelling of trout
Does she smell of Trout Nev? Is she riddled with gout Nev?
Does she even exist Nev? No no never a doubt Nev?
O Big Nev your life is so tragic, so many lies it’s become automatic
Forty-five and living with your folks, your stories represent a personal hoax
Out of your mouth comes verbal manure, a badly placed sense of self grandeur
You ain’t tough and it’s all rather sad, you need to work through issues with your dad
One day Nev disappeared, without so much as a wave good bye, no one knows where he went, all that was left was his store branded tie
And we re-tell your stories, like that one where you made explosives The weirdest thing of all, we kinda miss our Big Nev
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8. |
The Book
03:15
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I’m a book left on the shelf, behind photos of your family
I’ve gathered dust since you were twelve, a relic of antiquity
Pressed against my hard back, is Delia’s Complete Cookery Course She gets action once a year, that’s one more than me I’m as good as lost
I know I haven’t got your attention, you’ve gone digital
You prefer that plastic affectation, you’ve no use for me at all
Readers of today don’t want to thumb through pages
They just swipe greasy fingers on screens for ages for ages
Ebook readers are smooth and firm but they are spineless
I’ll never need charging up like them, how advantageous
I’m one of many, yellowing at a glacial pace
Pick me up once in a while, admire my filigree face
Feel my meaty tome, the heft in the hand is pleasing
So timeless don’t you agree, perfect papery pedigree
If we are over, put me the box with charity label
I’ll be loved again, and make a quid for the disabled
Readers of today don’t want to thumb through pages
They just swipe greasy fingers on screens for ages for ages
Ebook readers are smooth and firm but they are spineless
I’ll never need charging up like them, how advantageous
I got a lot of books upon my old book shelf
I find them quite conducive to my mental health
There's some National Geographics that are gathering dust
and a big old Thomas Hardy omnibus
I never really read them though I must confess
Just like to have them on display for intellectual flex
You can thumb through the pages if you come to my house
You'll find them on the shelf behind the Famous Grouse
Readers of today don’t want to thumb through pages
They just swipe greasy fingers on screens for ages for ages
Ebook readers are smooth and firm but they are spineless
I’ll never need charging up like them, how advantageous
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9. |
Das Zwischenspiel
01:03
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10. |
In the Beginning
04:35
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It’s July and I got a vacation, hard to know what do with my time
Do I stay at home and start renovations, or do I start that project called mankind
I got the misses chewing my ear off, saying ‘when you gonna get on with it?’
The hobby room is full of boxes, I guess it’s time to start that project
Getting going is always the hardest thing
Following instructions start with the pack called DIY earth
I got my allen keys for ease of assembly
Manual open, not that page, it’s in Cantonese
It’s a sphere I kinda like that shape, getting dark so I hit the lights
Add some water and landscape to, shimmer under moonlit nights
I think this is looking good, and my wife don’t disagree
I turn in for the evening, she’s done a curry for my tea
Getting going is always the hardest thing
Following instructions start with the pack called DIY earth
I got my allen keys for ease of assembly
Manual open, not that page, it’s in Cantonese
On day three I painted trillions of stars, my carpal tunnel is giving me grief
I knocked up Venus, Neptune and Mars, my back tells me I’ve done myself a mischief
I did the land bits in mostly green, top and bottom pure matt white
I’m pretty pleased with what I see, it will look good from a satellite
A billion packets of tiny creatures, apparently it’s bio-diversity
I’ll not sure I like all of the features, I’ll sprinkle ten per cent with disease
And if you deny me you’ll have yourself to blame, I’ll get angry and give you a big hurricane
See I brought the bonus pack with cancer and strokes, a wide selection of viruses with no antidotes
Droughts and famine not to mention the bubonic plague, I’ll unleash them all on you if you sully my name
Cause I spent a week creating your habitat, it would be nice if you could bother to appreciate that
In the beginning I thought that this would be a cool task
But by day six I’m getting jaded so close to the end
My wife wants me out the house, not under her feet
I’ll admit I rushed at the end to get the project complete
I made a man that looks like me, got two chins and a titanium knee
I made a woman whittled from his rib and, gave instructions not to eat from that tree
Did she listen? No she said she misheard, now I got a crisis of humanity
Head in my hands in exasperation, to hell with it, we got tacos for tea
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11. |
Inquisitor
03:25
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Falalalalalalala-mmwah
The inquisitor's the man that slaps the double bass that slaps you in face all around the p-p-place he has his f-f-fun in the s-s-s-s-sun all he w-w-w-w-wants is to come-c-come-come. The inquisitors the man to make you understand that there ain't noone can do what he can-c-c-c-can he's a funky prodigy from across the s-s-sea far funkier than you and funkier than me. He's gonna funk funk funk f-funk you in the monk and make you funk funk funk f-funk his funky junk, he'll stick his foot up in your ass until your ass is flippin grass and then your motherflippin ass will sadly p-p-p-p-pass. The inquisitor's the man that slaps the double bass that slaps you in the face all around the p-p-place he has his f-f-fun in the s-s-s-s-sun all he w-w-w-w-wants is to come-c-come-come
Ain't it funny what a monk can do
A nit far knee wad a munkadoo
Falalalalalalala-mmwah
The inquisitor's the man that slaps the double bass that slaps you in face all around the p-p-place he has his f-f-fun in the s-s-s-s-sun all he w-w-w-w-wants is to come-c-come-come. The inquisitors the man to make you understand that there ain't noone can do what he can-c-c-c-can he's a funky prodigy from across the s-s-sea far funkier than you and funkier than me. He's gonna funk funk funk f-funk you in the monk and make you funk funk funk f-funk his funky junk, he'll stick his foot up in your ass until your ass is flippin grass and then your motherflippin ass will sadly p-p-p-p-pass. The inquisitor's the man that slaps the double bass that slaps you in the face all around the p-p-place he has his f-f-fun in the s-s-s-s-sun all he w-w-w-w-wants is to come-c-come-come
Ain't it funny what a monk can do
A nit far knee wad a munkadoo
Wee can't for the life me, shying away sometimes and getting the best of me, collide with the lacy sea
Flowing into the sun and covering everyone and getting the best of me inquisiting all I see
I've been smoking a chair
Eyebean smoke in a chair
Ivy small kin arch air
Abu Dhabu dwee
Falalalalalalala-mmwah
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12. |
Rammy the Great
04:40
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Ra is the one who bore me, O my people they do adore me
From my birth in thirteen O three, not talking AD I’m talking BC
I thought I would be the spare heir, largely ignored with my ginger hair
I‘d be left alone to play with my friends, living nicely until my natural end
Then my brother went and kicked the bucket, dad said you’ll be king like it or lump it, I was resigned to supremacy, Egypt’s ruler from desert to sea
I am Ramesses, expanding borders in my chariot
From modern day Sudan to Syria, doing dad proud I’ll take the lot
I am Ramesses, there are many statues of my face
I like to visit them, trending hashtag Rammy the Great
I’m the original player, getting girls as a teenager
I got eight wives to my name, years before Henry did the same
I’ve got dozens of sons and daughters, some of the boys come with me to slaughter, remember that fight at Kadesh, O what a bloody mess
It wasn’t the win I touted, we got surprised and thoroughly routed
Never mind I’ll spread fake news, leaving history quite confused
I am Ramesses, expanding borders in my chariot
From modern day Sudan to Syria, doing dad proud I’ll take the lot
I am Ramesses, there are many statues of my face
I like to visit them, trending hashtag Rammy the Great
R A M M Y the G R E A T
I’ll be the longest serving Pharaoh, sixty six years and two months y’know
I’ve built best temples you’ll ever see, using slaves 'cause they were free
Getting old now so no more bloodlust, plagued with toothache and arthritis
When I go for my eternal doze, they’ll pull my brains out through my nose
Cover me in salt to dry me out, my guts in jars, what’s all that about?
I like to think I’ve left a legacy, more than my generous family tree
Rammy the Great
Rammy the Great
Rammy the Great
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13. |
Sleight of Hand
03:13
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He’s more Blaine than Copperfield
He’s got the devil’s sleight of hand
Now you see it and now you don’t
Too quick for you to understand
Years on his own, shuffling through the deck
His only friend was a mirror, keeping his skills in check
Once a week he did show for his mum dad brother and cat
Vying for their attention, the television did distract
He’s more Blaine than Copperfield
He’s got the devil’s sleight of hand
Now you see it and now you don’t
Too quick for you to understand
He take s a job in a restaurant doing tricks for a fiver an hour
Flipping the cards and hiding the coins
being wowed as they devour
This feels great he says to himself I’m gonna make it my career
I’m gonna get to the top no matter what
getting paid to hear them cheer
He’s more Blaine than Copperfield
He’s got the devil’s sleight of hand
Now you see it and now you don’t
Too quick for you to understand
A shelf lined with awards is proof he’s make his mark
A champion three years in a row, he’s one of the best they remark
He runs in the inner circle, he’s got credibility
All those years in front of the mirror, he’s now a wizard celebrity
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14. |
Espionage
04:18
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On a mission in Paris, ooo-la-la, it seems to be a plum job
Croissant to hand and a bag full of gadgets, not my real identity
Intercept the ambassador, as targets go she’s the cream of the crop
She’s a double crossing secret agent, I gotta take her down discreetly
Cruising down the Seine, I have a voucher for two
You can’t refuse, Arc de Trimoph for the view
let’s ignore whatever people say
Free walking tour of Champs Elysees
Stop this espionage we’ve gone too far
Playing with my heart, we can’t rewind to the start
A stolen kiss, why did I fall for you?
And now I just can’t see it through
If I’m really on my intel, I gotta get close for the kill
She’s spotted leaving Christian Dior, she gets in range outside the Apple store
Reaching for the ambassador, a waft of her perfume gives me a thrill
She sees me quivering and stands her guards down, she wants to give me some more
Cruising down the Seine, I have a voucher for two
You can’t refuse, Arc de Trimoph for the view
let’s ignore whatever people say
Free walking tour of Champs Elysees
Stop this espionage we’ve gone too far
Playing with my heart, we can’t rewind to the start
A stolen kiss, why did I fall for you?
And now I just can’t see it through
Cruising down the Seine, I have a voucher for two
You can’t refuse, Arc de Trimoph for the view
let’s ignore whatever people say
Free walking tour of Champs Elysees
Stop this espionage we’ve gone too far
Playing with my heart, we can’t rewind to the start
A stolen kiss, why did I fall for you?
And now I just can’t see it through
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15. |
Jamboree
03:57
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Once every year, on the primary school playing fields
middle class ladies amass
cakes in boxes they are comparing their yields
Grab your umbrella, the buntings hanging and ready for show
Judy’s chatting to Alice, comparing tans she’s just got back from Bordeaux
Come together for the Jamboree
you can stay for the day for twenty p
There’s a raffle for a hat at the Jamboree
a tombola too for gambling seriously
We got a marque up at the Jamboree
so you won’t get rain in your cup of tea
Fundraising for the church roof at the Jamboree
buggers nicked the lead in nineteen-eighty-three
Jamboree, Jamboree
O Mrs Peat, the best butterfly cake I’ve had in my life
The chaps admire the old cars, they call them vintage just like their wives
Have a stroke of a pony, defeat the vicar in a tug of war
Buy a jar of homemade jam
or Deidre’s dodgy steamed carrot coleslaw
Come together for the Jamboree
you can stay for the day for twenty p
There’s a raffle for a chair at the Jamboree
a tombola too for gambling seriously
We got a marque up at the Jamboree
so you won’t get rain in your cup of tea
Fundraising for the church roof at the Jamboree
buggers nicked the lead in nineteen-eighty-three
Jamboree, Jamboree
Come together for the Jamboree
you can stay for the day for twenty p
There’s a raffle for a jacket at the Jamboree
a tombola too for gambling seriously
We got a marque up at the Jamboree
so you won’t get rain in your cup of tea
Fundraising for the church roof at the Jamboree
buggers nicked the lead in nineteen-eighty-three
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Jaymotts Cambridge, UK
The Cambridge boys released their debut album! It's called Jamboree and it's packed with amusing funk rock ditties to
getting you smiling and tapping your toes.
Expect the unexpected at the Jamboree!
"Jaymotts bring to mind Flight of the Conchords, with the funk of Talking Heads and the oddity of The B52s, all very refreshing!"
... more
